#NorthPoleWorkoutPlan

Little known fact: Santa digs the resistance bands. Slightly wider known fact: The entire North Pole is really into physical fitness. The elves are Insanity enthusiasts and Mrs. Claus is a regular at Zumba class. Actually those last 2 I made up. The elves gravitate more toward that P90X stuff, and Mrs. Claus has no rhythm. But the Big Guy definitely loves the band training.

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Discovered by the Germans, resistance bands offer numerous advantages. The greatest of these being the ease at which one can bring one's workout with one while one travels. In this case, "one" happens to be the heavy-set, jolly fellow who delivers Christmas joy and XBoxes to every last person in a single evening, courtesy of magical, flying deer. You would think all that would make it impossible to get a workout in. Boom. In your face. Resistance bands. However the milk and cookies do make it a bit more challenging.

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Paula Patton. Merry Christmas.

From The Desk Of The Commissioner...

Have to admit, never seen a minute of Band of Brothers. Just thought that was a clever play on words, as I am sure you do. #humblebrag. But, if that show ever had an episode where Dwight Howard, Kobe Bean Bryant, and Chris Paul were on the front lines firing muskets and what not(think I went wrong war just now), I would have been glued to the TV. As would I have been if those same three individuals were running a little ball out back every night at The Staple between the hours of 7 and 10 pm. But, thanks to the Travelocity gnome and the 30 owners he works for, especially you Dan Gilbert with your Email of Justice, that's not happening.

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However, we do get Chris Paul and Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan and Dunks and Dunks and Dunks. And Lobs and Dunks. Not a bad consolation prize. In fact, I'm psyched. Ready to kill some birds. Somebody tell Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Might get "Lob City" tattoed across my back. Big letters too. Logo infringement, all that stuff. Might go to the kitchen right now and scramble some eggs. With lots of cheese. These are the options I am considering to express my happiness that The League is back. Laker fans and Kobe, likely not feeling the same way I am. Probably won't run into Matt Barnes at the tattoo shop. Actually check that, bad example. Point is, the NBA is back, and it is crookedly intoxicating. Off to crack some eggs.

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Rachel McAdams. Wedding Crashers reference sealed the deal.