Let's just go ahead and get things out in the open. Yes, Gilbert, you brought a couple of firearms into the locker room. And yes, Gilbert, you got yourself suspended for the rest of the season. And yes, Gilbert, looking back on it, this probably wasn't one of your better days as far as judgment is concerned. But I own no gavel, I am not here to judge. However, there is the undeniable fact that you no longer have any of your salary for this year. And to be entirely honest, the rest of your $111 million is kind of up in the air as well. I'm no genius, but I have to believe you need to find a way to make up some of that cash without pawning those super fresh throwback Nikes you used to rock at Arizona. Afterall, you've got bills to pay like the rest of us.
Here's where I come in. I say you accept the situation, even embrace it. Make it your own. The High Noon Hibachi. BOOM!!! What was that, you ask?! Oh nothing, just your future...smacking you in the face with dollar bills and licensing rights. Your very own comic series. I've even thrown out the first cover for you, because I am just that nice of a guy. But this is only the first step. I'm seeing an Adult Swim cartoon, action figures with the Kung-Fu grip, High Noon Hibachi lunchboxes, 1-piece pajamas for the children with the feet that snap at the bottom, the possibilities are endless. So Gilbert, if you're out there and you like what you hear, give me a call. My number is 555-55....55. If Indiana Jones picks up, just hang up and try again.
Also, I feel it is appropriate at this time to let everyone know my area of expertise is definitely NOT public relations. This probably wouldn't go over too well. Anywho, I gave it my best...all you can ask for, right?...
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